"Marriage: Love & Respect, Part 3" Ephesians 5:21-33
- Senior Pastor, Robert Dennison, preached this message on May 28, 2023.
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Audio Transcript
We certainly appreciate all the adults that go down with our kids, don’t we? Let’s just give them a hand.
And if you’d like us to give you a hand, you can volunteer to help with them on some Sunday mornings. All right. Because I do need more help down there. I believe today is the last day that they’re having Sunday school until the fall, so just keep that in mind. We’re in Ephesians chapter 5 as we continue marriage, love and respect, looking at the responsibility, reflection and rules for husbands and wives.
We’ll begin reading today in Ephesians 5, verse 21, where we read submitting to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church. He is the Savior of the body. Now, as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives.
Just as Christ loved the Church and gave herself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the Word. He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself, for no one ever hates his own flesh, but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the Church. Since we are members of his body.
And for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the Church. To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband. May we pray once again. Heavenly Father, as we look at your Word today, help us to understand what your vision and direction is for marriage.
Father 1 Where there is true love and true respect, that we might have marriages in the family of God that reflect our relationship to Jesus Christ. And so living our lives this way, more people are attracted to the relationship that he offers to us through his death on the cross. In his name we pray. Amen. I want to go to Matthew 19 just briefly today to give a disclosure we’ve been talking a lot about.
Marriage is a wonderful thing, but according to Scripture, singleness is also a special gift from God. I don’t want anyone to feel left out. We read here in Matthew 19 Jesus has just talked to his disciples about divorce and saying that it is something that should Happen very rarely. It’s not just to happen for any reason, as the Jews had been teaching for years. And in response to that, his disciples said to him, if the relationship a man with his wife is like this, meaning that they should be permanent in the relationship, they said, it’s better not to marry.
He responded, not everyone can accept this saying. In other words, some people really want to get married, but only those to whom it has been given. And there’s the key that singleness is given to some people as a gift from God. Jesus went on to say, for there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb. There are eunuchs who were made so by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves that way because of the kingdom of heaven.
The one who is able to accept it should accept it. In other words, those that choose not to get married, it can be a gift from God. Marriage is a great blessing, but singleness is a gift from God and is also blessed by him. And we find examples of this in Scripture. In the Old Testament, the prophet Daniel and his three friends were not married.
We only know of one disciple who had a wife that’s mentioned in the New Testament. That’s Peter, because it talks about his mother in law. As far as we know, the rest were not married. There’s no reference that Paul was married. It can be inferred from the fact of his position within the Pharisees.
And Jesus himself, our ultimate example, never had what he never had a wife. And we can’t say that he lacked anything in his life and in fulfilling God’s work for him. I also want to add First Corinthians 7, 32, 35, where we read why it is such a blessing to be single. He said, I want you to be without concerns. The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.
But the married man is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife. And his interests are divided. The unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord so that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But the married woman is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I am saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but to promote what is proper and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction.
Husbands and wives, they’re distracted with having a husband and a wife, and that’s perfectly fine. But those that have the gift of singleness have More time to devote their lives to special attention and service for the Lord. And God tells us that through Paul, that that’s a wonderful thing. Going back now to our scripture text today, what is submission? Because that’s where this all begins.
In Ephesians 5, 21, it starts out by saying that all of us are supposed to submit to one another in the fear of Christ. And we have to go over again, what is biblical submission. It’s not an awful thing. It’s not a forced thing. It is voluntary.
But it’s also not a oh, I submit today because it’s convenient, but tomorrow I don’t want to. According to Scripture, biblical submission is continuous. And lastly, submission is always as unto the Lord, no matter who you’re submitting to, whether it’s in the workplace, government officials, or those that are over you, because God has ordained that that there be submission in the world for it to function appropriately. Even God demonstrates that. Where the Son submitted to the Father when the Father sent him to the world, and the Spirit submitted to the Son when the Son asked him to come and to live in our lives and dwell with us while he was away, these each submitted, but they’re all equal.
It wasn’t because they were less in any way or less important, but there was submission, because that is how God has ordained things to be in the world. We go to the end of the text once again just to sum this all up. Paul said, the summary is that each one of you speaking to the husbands is to love his wife as himself, to love his wife as Christ loved the church, that he was willing to give his life up for the church, and in eternity he is providing everything that we need that we might have a wonderful relationship to him. And therefore the wife is to respect her husband. So we’ve spent time talking about the husband.
And if husbands are what they are supposed to be, if they love their wives, if they provide for all of their needs as they’re supposed to, it’s easy for a wife in turn to biblically submit and respond her husband. But ultimately, the proper marital relationship, the responsibility of that always rests on the shoulders of the husband. Leadership in a proper marital relationship is the responsibility of the man. And we saw that in the Garden of Eden after Eve made the choice to eat of the fruit. God didn’t go to Eve, he went to the one that was responsible for her decision making.
And he went first to Adam and asked, what have you done? In going through all of this, we’re looking at mainly three things. We’re Looking at the responsibility of each man and woman, the reflection that they have of the image of God, and the rules that scripture gives, or the roles that they’re supposed to follow so that we work together appropriately. Let’s go back now to Genesis, chapter two, because Paul is referring back to this, where the husband and wife are to become one in flesh. And.
And we saw there Adam’s role in the family. But let’s look today at what the woman’s role was. What was it Eve was created to do? And the first responsibility that we find is that Eve was created to be a collaborator. A collaborator is one who works or cooperates with another person.
They’re right in there together. It’s like two people that are co authors and they’re writing a book or it’s like co producers of some type of show that they’re right there together. They’re making the decisions, they’re doing everything together. Eve was made to be this collaborator. What the text says that God said, I will make a helper corresponding to him.
And we talked some last week about what this word helper means in the Hebrew text. It’s the word ezer e z E r. And what we find here is that the helper was not created to help the man as in serving him. Eve was created to serve with Adam, not to serve him, but to serve with her. And we see that here in this particular word that’s used, I would say, of the wife, she is all capitals, the helper. She’s not a lowercase helper.
You see the difference? She is supposed to be the helper of her husband, not just a helper. She is supposed to be the one that the husband calls on when he is in need, because that’s what the is heir always was. In the Old Testament, it was someone that came when they were called to help. It would be in the case where there was a king that was being attacked by another country.
And because he was spiritual small, he would call out to a larger king. He would call out, well, not larger physically, but a king that had a larger army and more power to come and to assist him. That more powerful king was his Isair. He was his helper. This tells us that women and men are equal in value.
There isn’t anything inferior about a woman. But they have different forms, functions and giftings where they can be superior to one another. How many of y’ all would agree that Mary plays the piano better than I do? Okay. And I’ve asked the question, how many of you think that Mary Looks better than I do.
Okay. That women are superior in a lot of things and men are superior, and that’s perfectly fine. That’s the way that God is created. But we’re all equal in his site. I want to read from a commentary called the New American Commentary, and this is what it says about this.
There is no sense, derived from the word linguistically or from the context of the garden narrative, that a woman is a lesser person because her role differs. In the case of the biblical model, the helper is an indispensable partner who is always required to achieve the divine commission. Helper, as we have seen from its Old Testament usage, means the woman plays an integral part, and in this case it’s in human survival and success, because what the man lacks, the woman accomplishes. Paul concisely said that the man was not made for the woman, but the woman for the man. But the woman is the one who makes it possible for the man to achieve the blessings that he otherwise could not do alone.
And obviously the woman requires the man also. The most important thing about the word is there is it’s most commonly used of God, talking about how God is our helper. He comes to our need when we call for Him. And here it’s used to speak of the woman in the same way, to show that she has a very special dignity. Eve, most importantly, will be her helper to her husband by providing one day a savior for the world because it’s promised that her seed one day would come and defeat the serpent that had led them astray in the garden.
The woman is supposed to be a collaborator, a helper with her husband. The second responsibility of a wife that was given to Eve is that she’s supposed to be a co regent, meaning that there was not one sovereign in the garden. There wasn’t one king or just one queen. But instead the two of them were to rule together, working together. Husbands and wives are to sit side, side by side, and decision making, discipline, planning, work, all the things about their home.
I would add that sometimes they can’t come to an agreement, though. And I would caution all husbands that you’ll be a wise husband if you pay particular attention to what it is that your wife disagrees with you about. And before you make a decision that differs from her wisdom, you need to really pray earnestly about that, because it all goes back to the responsibility of the husband, that if you make a decision apart from your wife, God is the one that ultimately holds you accountable, and he has given her to you to help you to guide you in making decisions. Mankind, in this case, male and female, it tells us in the text, were equipped to rule together. Let’s read the text today.
Genesis 1:26, 28. Then God said, let us make man in our image. According to our likeness. They will rule. So God created man in his own image.
He created him in the image of God. He created them male and female. God blessed them. And God said to them, be fruitful, multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it.
Rule. And he tells them to go on what they’re supposed to be involved in. Sounds like a lot of repetition here. In English, we can say, like, something is good, it’s better, and it’s best, and we just use one word. But in the Hebrew, the way they express something being best, they’ll say, it’s good, good, good.
They’ll say, it’s over and over again. We see that when we get over to Revelation, when it talks about God being holy, it says, he’s what? He’s holy, holy, holy. He is the utmost holy. And so God is putting this great emphasis here on how important it is for us to realize that men and women both are created in the image of God.
They’re one, they’re equal. They’re just as important. And what we see here, how they are co regents, is that both are made in the image of God. And then he tells us that both are made in the likeness of God. And then he tells us that they both are supposed to rule together.
And then again to emphasize it, he says that both are made in God’s own image. He blessed both of them, not just one. And both are given the same mandates that together they are to be fruitful, to multiply, to fill, to subdue, and to rule. Husbands and wives are to be co regents, ruling together as a family. The third thing that we see here is that the wife is supposed to be a counterpart or a correspondent.
That means that the man has to have her. She is indispensable in the same way that our Lord and Savior is indispensable to us. We can’t have a true life without Him. Corresponding here means toward him, or it means as opposite to Him. Because as much as we are created alike in the image of God, I think we all agree that men and women are quite different.
And so it is like they’re like two puzzle pieces that when they face each other, they’re opposites, but they fit together perfectly. Adam and Eve were created to be two parts that fit. They complete one another, and they also complement one Another, even though they were opposites, they were still complementary because each other had what the other did not have. And God said that the man would not be able to function properly if he was alone. That’s what it means, that it wasn’t good.
And the oppositeness would provide what each needed to fulfill God’s plan for them. But even in their differences or their oppositeness, they are still very much alike in comparison to all the rest of creation. And that was the point of God bringing all the animals before Adam. Adam looked at each one. He gave it a name.
And every time he kept thinking, well, there’s none here that corresponds to me. But when he saw Eve, the final creation, it was love at first sight. She was everything that he was looking for in a partner that none other in creation offered. And he discerned that she alone would be the one that would meet his needs. She was his counterpart, the one who would be a correspondent with him.
The next thing that we see is that E was supposed to be a completer. And the man said, this one at last is bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. This one will be called woman, for she was taken from man. And this is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife. And they become one flesh together, husband and wife, and become completely one.
The wife was created to complete the husband, One who makes whole, one who makes him perfect. Together, man and woman are one. Eve was the first creation from existing life. As opposed to dirt, she was created from Adam. And in that sense, God took out part of Adam to make her.
And so he was missing a part that when they came together, it put it back together. Thomas Aquinas in his book Summa Theology, he began this saying, but the way we express it today is that woman was not created from man’s head so that she would rule over him, but she also was not created from his feet for him to walk over her, but instead, she was created from his side to be close to his heart and under his arm for protection. When we talk about this unity, it’s not just physical unity. Husbands and wives are to be spiritually united. They’re supposed to be intellectually united, and they’re supposed to be emotionally united.
Jewish sentiment noted this, and I read it again from the New American Commentary. Jews spoke of this way in their commentaries of a man who was not married, on how much he was missing. Whoever has no wife exists without goodness, without a helpmate, without joy, without blessing, without atonement, without well being, without a full life. Indeed, Such a one reduces the representation of the divine image. It was unusual.
Jewish culture exalted women as they were equal to their husbands, and they were a great blessing to have. And the Jews also recognized in their commentaries and teaching that it took both the man and woman to fully represent the divine image of God upon the earth. And so it is that we are this continual reflection of God to others. And marriage was designed by God to reflect spiritual truths. When marriages function according to God’s plan, they help our children and others to understand God.
But when marriages don’t function according to God’s plan, they cause confusion in our understanding of God and especially in our children. When you have a husband that loves his wife like Christ loved the church, when he gives everything everything, when he’s willing to lay down his life, when he offers protection, when he provides everything for his wife, what she needs spiritually and emotionally and physically, and when he loves her, children see that in the father. And in the same way when the wife respects her husband as scripture tells her that she should, children see this wonderful relationship, and they think, one day I want to have that someday. But if children see a marriage that’s falling apart where a husband does not love his wife, he’s not willing to lay down his life, he puts his needs and interests before hers. Or if they see a mother who isn’t respectful of the father, then their thought is, I don’t want that.
Someday it would be better just to remain single. But it goes deeper than marriage. Because when they go to church and they hear that what your mom and dad look like in the relationship is what your relationship with Jesus Christ is supposed to look like. If they have a bad representation at home, they’re going to think, well, I don’t want a relationship with the Lord if it looks like my parents. But if they see a wonderful example in the home, then they’re going to say, yes, I want that type of spiritual relationship with the Lord.
You can find at least 1, 100 verses in the Bible that depict Christ and the church as groom and bride. So when we’re looking at how women and men are supposed to interact, we’re also looking, according to scripture, as to how we’re supposed to relate to Jesus Christ. Therefore, it’s important that we live according to God’s word. And I want us to see four ways today that we reflect in our relationship what the relationship is between Christ and the church. And it all has to do with his return.
That there were several parables that Jesus shared that talked about this relationship between the church and Christ and also between wives and husbands. There are four words we’re going to look at. The first one is anticipation, meaning that the church is to look for forward to his return, the preparation that we’re to be ready for his return, supervision that we’re to take care of the things that he’s left under us for supervision and thirdly, dedication to maintain our purity until he returns. Let’s look at the anticipation Mark 13 There’s a short parable. It’s about a man who goes away and leaves his servants in charge.
And this is what we Read in Mark 13:35 Therefore be alert, since you don’t know when the master of the house is coming, whether in the evening or at midnight, or at the crowing of the rooster or early in the morning. As a church, we’re supposed to be alert. We’re supposed to be watching for the return of Jesus Christ. We’re supposed to be anticipating it, not as if it’s going to happen and at Christmas or next year, but hopefully that it’ll happen before we leave today that he will return. In the same way, wives demonstrate to their children this love for Christ by they’re always alert and they’re anticipating when they will be reunited with their husband.
They look forward to it as a wonderful time and a special time. But it’s not just anticipation, but it’s also about preparation and how there are things that we are supposed to be doing to prepare ourselves as the bride of Christ. In Revelation 19:6,8 we read then I heard something like the voice of a vast multitude, like the sound of cascading waters, and like the rumbling of loud thunder saying, hallelujah. Because our Lord God, the Almighty, reigns, let us be glad, rejoice, and give him glory. Because the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his bride has prepared herself.
She was given fine linen to wear, bright and pure, for the fine linen represents the righteous acts of the saints. As a church, as people of God, we’re supposed to be not only anticipating Christ’s return, but we should be busy about preparing ourselves for his return. If we go over to Matthew chapter 24 and Matthew 25, we read these verses. This is why you are also to be ready, because the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect we are to be preparing for his return. And then we read in Matthew 25 about the ten virgins.
Some of them were prepared with enough oil, and some were were not. And when they had gone therefore to buy some, the groom had they heard he was coming. And they’re like, we’re out of oil. We’re not ready. So they had to run in the middle of the night to Walmart.
And Walmart no longer was open 24 hours a day because of COVID and they couldn’t get their oil. What happened is when Jesus, when the groom came, those who were ready, who had prepared themselves, they went within him, with him, into the wedding banquet. But to those five urges that were not prepared, the door was shut and they were not allowed to enter. You know, every home has a division of labor that is unique to that family. And a harmonious home has both husband and wife completing their own responsibilities.
And just as Jesus is completing his responsibility to toward his bride, he’s preparing a place for us. So we as the church and wives or their husbands need to be preparing themselves that they might be together. Anticipation, preparation. And the third thing is supervision. Wives are basically in charge when their husbands are gone.
And husbands should respect that. And wives should be able to take to make decisions to carry things on. We read In Luke chapter 19, again, it’s another parable. A nobleman traveled to a far country to receive for himself authority to be king and then to return. That’s Jesus.
He’s gone to his Father to receive the authority to come back and set up his kingdom in the world. But he called 10 of his servants, that’s us, the church, and he gave them each 10 minas. He gave them gifts, he gave them talents, just like God has given us all things. And we had this responsibility to be good supervisors. And he gave them this command, engage in business until I come back.
The parable goes on to tell us that when he does return, those that were good supervisors of what they had been given, the Master spoke to them, well done, good servants, because you have been faithful in a very small matter, have authority over 10 towns. The woman in Proverbs 31:27 says that she watches over the activities of her household and is never idle. A godly wife will supervise her home in agreement with the leadership of her husband. She has a great responsibility to carry on also for the spiritual training of her children. And she has the responsibility to make decisions when her husband is not around to confer with her.
And her husband will be supportive of those because he’s left her in charge. They’re to be co regents together. We come lastly to dedication. We read in 2 Corinthians, chapter 11, verses 2 through 4, Paul writes, for I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy, because I have promised you in marriage to one husband. He’s talking to the church.
He’s promised her in marriage to the Lord Jesus Christ. And he wants to present her a pure virgin to Christ. But he has this fear. He says that as the serpent deceived Eve by his coming cunning, your minds may be seduced from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ. For a person comes and preaches another Jesus whom we did not preach, or you receive a different spirit which you had not received, or a different gospel which you had not accepted, you put up with it splendidly.
He’s concerned that another man’s going to come along and interest the wife. He’s concerned that a different spirit talking about the Holy Spirit here. But there is going to be an evil spirit that tries to pull the wife away from the husband or that they’re coming here, that there’s a better gospel or something different. This is for the church in that we are to be dedicated in keeping ourselves pure to Jesus Christ. But it’s also this picture here that’s entwined here with Eve that women are to be careful that they are not seduced to fall away from their husband instead to keep themselves pure.
She will not let her. Let her husband be given. I mean, she will not let her love that she has for her husband given to another person. But it could be an activity, it could be an organization, or it could be something that becomes more important to her than her husband. In the same way, with Jesus Christ, there might be things in our life.
It could be sports, it could be a friend, it could be children that we put something ahead of Jesus Christ and our dedication. So in review today, we looked at the wife’s responsibility. She’s supposed to be a collaborator. She’s supposed to be a co regent, she’s supposed to be a counterpart correspondent. And she’s supposed to be a completer.
And we looked at how our relationship to Jesus Christ is reflected in the same way in a marriage, that there should be anticipation, there should be preparation, supervision and dedication. I want to close today by reading from Proverbs 31. You know, our society sees the biblical role of women as inferior and evil. And part of that problem lies that the church hasn’t preached adequately on the role of women or they’ve teached wrongly about it. A wife is supposed to have a life that’s just as full as her husband’s.
It’s just as vibrant, it’s just as exciting, and it should be equal to that of her husband. Even though it is somewhat different when we close with this passage in Proverbs 31, it is a description of a godly woman fulfilling her role as a wife. Now we have to remember it’s pretty idealistic, and you’d have to be Wonder Woman or superhuman in order to do all the things here. But what it is depicting is the fullness that a woman can have as a wife that God blesses both inside and outside of her home. So I close the day by reading from Proverbs 31. Who can find a capable wife?
She is far more precious than Jules. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good. She rewards him with good, not evil. All the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with willing hands.
She is like the merchant ships bringing her food from far away. She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and portions for her female servants. She evaluates a field and she buys it. She plants a vineyard with her earnings. She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong.
She sees that her profits are good and her lamp never goes out at night. She extends her hands to the spinning staff, and her hands hold the spindle. Her hands reach out to the poor, and she extends her hands to the needy. She is not afraid for for her household when it snows, for all in her household are doubly clothed. She makes her own bed coverings.
Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known at the city gates where he sits among the elders of the land. She makes and sells linen garments. She delivers belts to the merchants. Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle. Therefore her sons rise up and call her blessed, and her husband also praises her. Many women are capable, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the the Lord will be praised.
Give her the reward of her labor and let her works praise her at the city gates. May we pray? Heavenly Father, we thank you that you have given us instruction on righteous living. Give us a desire to live according to your word. Give us the power to live according to your word.
And we know that that only comes through a right relationship with you. Father, we ask today that you would move in the hearts of anyone who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Someone that has not placed their faith in him, that his death, his burial and resurrection have covered their sins. And allowed them to have a right relationship with God. Father, we pray that if anyone is in that situation today that they will cry out to you, lord, save me.
I believe in Jesus Christ and what he has done for me. Me. And then, Father, let them tell others that they’ve given their life to you, that you will be their Lord and master. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.