"Marriage: Love & Respect, Part 2" Ephesians 5:21-33
- Senior Pastor, Robert Dennison, preached this message on May 14, 2023.
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Audio Transcript
Is to love his wife as himself. Paul addresses the husband first in the ultimate statement in the summary, because ultimately a proper marital relationship rests upon the shoulders of the husband. We want to go back and just review how we see that this is all the way from the beginning in Genesis. So if you have your Bibles and you want to Turn to Genesis 2:18, we read this. Then the Lord God said, it is not good for the man to be alone.
I will make a helper corresponding to him. So we have Adam. According to Genesis 2:7, he was created first.
That tells us that he was the leader. In Genesis 2:15, the man was placed in the garden first and he was told to work it and to watch over it. Then in verse 16 and 17, God gave the man responsibility to be obedient to God. God gave the command to the man not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And he left that responsibility to pass it on to his wife Eve, that he was supposed to be the spiritual head in the home.
We talked last week. He didn’t do the best job about it because she didn’t get it straight. It was just one rule that she had to follow. But what she heard from Adam is, don’t eat from it, and added, don’t touch it.
God gave man the responsibility to obey him and to pass it on to eve. In verse 19, man’s authority over all living creatures was displayed because God let him name everything. And in the Old Testament, when someone gives someone a name, that means that they have authority over them. And likewise, Adam had the authority to name his wife the woman, and also Eve. Then when we get To Genesis chapter 3, 9, 11, it’s interesting that Eve ate from the fruit first and she gave it to her husband.
But when God approaches them, he doesn’t address Eve first. Who does he address? He addresses the man, because the man had the ultimate responsibility there. So God holds Adam accountable for what Eve did by addressing him first. Romans 5:12 says the same thing.
God held Adam accountable for sin entering the world because it doesn’t say, by the woman sin entered the world, but it says, by the man sin entered the world. Eve was therefore made to be Adam’s helper. And we talked about that. The particular word that God uses there is iser. The word here isn’t a helper, that’s created to serve the man.
The word here is God created Eve to serve with the man. And the and that word is there is used always of somebody who is better or more powerful or greater than you. It refers to God. In the Old Testament, when we need a helper, that we call him as our Isare. Or if there was a weak king and he needed help to fight off somebody who was invading the land, he would call in a greater king with a larger army.
The person that was there referred to the iser. So it is that one Women have a great capacity, greater than ours, that we need them in a mighty way. There are E’s there to serve with us, but not to serve us. The responsibility. God made Adam to be the leader, and he made Eve to be the helper.
But he also made her corresponding to him. That means as an opposite to him. I asked the question. I think we all passed it three weeks ago. How many of y’ all agree that men and women are different?
You know, God made us that way. Doesn’t he have a sense of humor? I mean, we look at some of the animals out there and they’re really strange. And some of our wives look at us and think that we look really strange or that we act strange. That’s because we’re made to be opposites.
We’re made to correspond. We’re made to complement one another. Each one, Adam and Eve had what the other person did not have. And God said that man would not be able to function properly if he was alone. God didn’t make another man like Adam.
He made an opposite. Thus, God ordained from the beginning that marriage was between opposites, a biological man and a biological woman. The oppositeness would provide what each needed to fulfill God’s plan for them. And part of that plan was to bear what? To bear children.
It takes opposites to do that. But we find in Genesis 1:26, even though she was a helper and even though she corresponded, she was an opposite. Both man and woman were both created equally in the image of God. They have different roles, have different personalities, different aptitudes, but our value is exactly the same. Therefore, Proverbs 18:22 says that the man who finds a wife finds a good thing.
Proverbs 12:4. An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. And Proverbs 31:10 says that her worth is far above jewels. And what in the message today, when we get to the new part about loving your wife? If you love your wife the way that Christ loved the church, she.
She will be a crown for you and worth above jewels. Our responsibility as husbands and wives is to reflect God being a helper, being corresponding, being opposites. Marriage was designed from the beginning to reflect spiritual truths. And it’s an object lesson that all of us have in front of us. When marriages function according to God’s plan, they help our children and others to understand Christ’s relationship with the church.
But when marriages don’t function according to God’s plan, they cause confusion and misunderstanding about what our relationship is with the Lord. So we reflect God to others. Genesis 1:26. God said, Let us make man in our image. Let us make him according to our likeness.
This is talking about both man and woman, because they together will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the livestock, the whole earth, and the creatures that crawl on the ground. Both male and female were created in the image of God. And our first reflection of him is exactly that. No animals reflect the image of God. It was given to us to be special.
We show the image of God by the fruit of the Spirit. When that’s in our life, we are reflecting God, but we also reflect him by our creativity, our reasoning, our understanding, our ability to have relationships with other people in many other ways. Animals do not do those things. So men and women were created spirit, special. Therefore they’re equal in their reflection of God.
Both were created in the image of God. Both were created in the likeness of God, and both of them were created to rule over the creation, equal in Every way. Verse 27 says, Again, God created man in his own image. He created him in the image of God. He created them male and female and.
And then God blessed them, male and female, and said to them, be fruitful, multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it. Rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and every creature that crawls on the ground. Part of the job that was given to men and women, to Adam and Eve was to bear children. And that’s a reflection of what the church is in their relationship to Jesus Christ.
We’re supposed to be fruitful in producing spiritual children, but we’re not just supposed to add, we’re supposed to multiply. That means we’re supposed to go out and make as many disciples as we can. And it goes even beyond that. The reflection is of the Church that we’re supposed to fill the earth with the disciples that will follow Jesus Christ. So we’re to be fruitful.
We’re to be very fruitful. We’re to be very, very fruitful. The last thing is together, we’re supposed to be wise and. And how we use the resources that God has given us. Genesis 2:22 25.
Here we see the reflection that Eve was truly a part of man says, then the Lord God made the rib he had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said, this one at last is bone of my bone and flesh in my flesh. This one will be called woman, for she was taken from man. In essence, when he looked at all the animals, Adam gave them names. But when he looked at Eve, he said, wow, okay, there was something special, there was something different that he saw there.
She was taken from his side. He was missing something that she had. Together they would make a whole. She wasn’t created from his head so that she can rule over him. She wasn’t created from his feet so that he could walk on her.
She was created from his side so that she would be close to his heart and always there under his arm for protection. And it’s in the same way that we reflect our relationship with Jesus Christ. And all of us, whether we know it or not, before we come to true faith in Jesus Christ, have a yearning inside of us, there’s a hole, there’s a void there that’s only fulfilled when we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. In the same way husbands and wives are supposed to reflect that in the world, husbands also reflect Christ when they serve their wives. Jesus Christ was the greatest leader in the world.
He has more followers today than anybody. All of the Caesars might have been good leaders, but do they have any followers today? No. Jesus Christ was a great leader. He sets the example for us how to lead.
And so it is that we’re going to see in this passage that Jesus Christ serves his church. And it’s in the same way that husbands are supposed to reflect our Christ’s relationship with the church by serving their wives. This comes from a parable in Luke, chapter 12, verses 36 through 37. And what has just happened is that the bridegroom has gone to get his bride and he’s bringing her back to his house, that he’s been preparing for her throughout their entire engagement period. So think about in modern day terms, you’ve just gotten married and then you go somewhere and what do we call it?
We call it a honeymoon. Okay, so you got to get the picture here. The man’s just gotten married and he’s come home to his honeymoon. And this is Jesus Christ in the church. And what does the passage say?
He says, you are to be like people waiting for their master to return from the wedding banquet. So all the servants are over here. They’ve got all the flowers out, they’ve got the candles lit and everything is perfect for the master when he brings Hu home, when he brings the bride there, like people waiting for their master to return from the wedding banquet. So that when he, and this is talking about Jesus Christ or the groom comes and knocks on the door, that they can open the door for him at once. It says, blessed will be those servants.
The master finds alert when he comes. So imagine if he came in, he knocked on the door and nobody opened it. He knocked on the door and nobody opened it. And then finally he finds the key himself and he lets his new bride in and everything is a mess. No flowers, no candles, dirt everywhere.
The master is not going to be happy with them. He’s going to be happy with who? Those who have things ready. And this is what the groom does. Truly, I tell you, he, the groom, which is also referring to Jesus Christ, he will get ready and he’s going to have them, the servants recline at the table.
And then he, Jesus Christ, the groom is going to come and do. What does it say? Serve them. Isn’t that backwards? How many of you when you got married that when you went to the reception dinner that you were working in the kitchen and you took off your tuxedo and put on an apron so that you could finish the food and take out the plates.
It’s all backwards to what we understand. But so many things that are spiritual truths in scripture are the opposite of the way the world looks at it. Christ is the example of the best life leadership skills. He says here that he is going to serve those that follow Him. And in return, what does his disciples give up?
They dedicated their lives to Jesus Christ, and so we do today. Husbands would have more devoted wives if they learned to serve them like Jesus said that we should serve because real respect and from our wives is always the result of real love. Now this is what Jesus preached. But what else is important? If we preach to our kids, we need to do what we need to practice what we preach.
Have you ever heard that? Practice what you preach. So mom and dad say, don’t do this to their kids. But then mom and dad turn around and do it. While they’re saying, don’t do it, what are the kids going to do?
What mom and dad says or what they do? So here we have Jesus Christ. He’s preaching, this is the way we’re supposed to live. But did he set that example? Of course he did.
Let’s go to John, chapter 13, verses 4 through 5. It’s the last Supper. He’s about to give up his life on the cross for his disciples and all of the church. And here he is at this last dinner. You would think that he would finally relax, that he wouldn’t enjoy it.
It’s his last time together. But he’s got to practice what he preaches. This is what he did. So he, meaning Jesus, got up from supper. He laid aside his outer clothing.
He took a towel and tied it around himself. And next he poured water into a basin and began to what? To wash his disciples feet. To dry them. With the towel tied around him.
Jesus practiced what he preached by being what? By being a servant. In the same way husbands are called to serve their wives. Jesus preached it. Jesus practiced it.
But let’s go on. In the text. He doesn’t just preach it, he doesn’t just practice it. But he also commands us to. To do the same.
When Jesus had washed their feet and put on his outer clothing, he reclined again and said to them, do you know what I have done for you? So if I, your Lord and teacher, have washed your feet, read the dark print with me. What does it say?
Are we on the right slide? We’re not on the right slide. One more slide.
There you go. Read it with me. You ought to wash one another’s feet. That’s the command for I have given you an example that. Read it again.
You also should do just as I have done for you. Now we could say this just applied to the disciples. They were supposed to wash one another’s feet. But it was more important than that. He’s telling the church we’re supposed to serve one another.
And it’s not just about washing feet. It’s about being willing to do whatever needs to be done for other people. But it’s not just in the church. It’s also in the relationship between husbands and wives. Jesus preached it, Jesus practiced it.
Jesus commanded us as husbands to serve our wives. Genesis 2:24,25. We find another way that we reflect Jesus, Jesus Christ and his relationship to the church. We read here and it’s quoted later in the Ephesians passage. This is why a man leaves his father and mother in bonds with his wife and they become one flesh.
Both the man and his wife were naked, yet they felt no shame. What this is telling us is that the most important relationship after our relationship with Jesus Christ, if we’re married, is, is the relationship that we have with our wife in marriage. In the husband wife relationship. It is supposed to be the primary relationship. Before a man gets married, he’s connected to his mom and he’s connected to his dad.
But that relationship has to become secondary in marriage. The words here are to leave, meaning that it’s more important to be with your wife than it is to be with your parents. But also the word here, cleave, means that it’s supposed to be a permanent arrangement. Have any of y’ all ever used Super Glue and gotten it on your fingers?
Some of you have. I mean, if you pull it apart, it tears your skin. Imagine taking that Super Glue and putting it between two pages in this book, sealing it together. You know what type of bond is going to be there? Imagine taking two pieces of tissue paper, very weak, and gluing them together with Super Glue.
That’s the way a marriage is supposed to be. Glued together. You’re very fragile, but if you try to pull those two pieces apart, what’s going to happen? There’s going to be devastation. There’s going to be destruction.
There’s no way that you can remove one part and the other and they can remain intact. So it is that. Unfortunately, there is divorce in the world. But God hates divorce because he sees the damage that it does to people. It’s always so devastating for both the man and the woman and for their family.
Because this cleaving together that God has commanded us to have is like Super Glue. Leave Cleave be one flesh. That means to be intimate physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and in every way. There’s this. This oneness that’s so wonderful and it’s so complete to have someone to love you even when they know all your faults.
In the same way. Our relationship with Jesus Christ is this way. He left his Father in heaven to be with us. He asks us to leave our mothers and fathers and our family to be united with him as necessary. He cleaved to him, and he cleaves to us because it’s a permanent arrangement.
And as husband and wife are one in flesh, and they have no shame. So our oneness is with Jesus Christ. He knows us better than anyone else. He knows all our faults and our failures and our strengths, and still he loves us completely. All of this pictures our relationship with Christ.
We place our relationship with Christ, therefore, above our parents. We cleave to one another permanently. We are one with Christ in every way, and we are completely known by Him. And we can know him too. It was really easy to leave my parents because I got a wonderful wife.
Okay? But there are some men out there, they never really leave their mom and their dad. Scripture tells men you have to set that relationship secondary to your wife. Throughout the New Testament, there’s this continual referral over and over that husbands and wives represent Christ in the church. John chapter three.
Jesus left his heavenly Father to give his life to be bonded to the church. In Matthew 10:25, the Parable of the Ten Virgins is a picture of Christ coming to get us for our marriage to him. In John 14:3, he promises us that he’s preparing a place for us in His Father’s house just so that we can be with him. In 2 Corinthians 11, Paul describes our relationship to Christ as a bride and groom. And then we come to Revelation 19, where we hear about the marriage ceremony to the Lamb that is described.
And in Revelation 21:9, we are called the wife of the Lamb. You can’t avoid the fact in Scripture that our marriages are supposed to be a reflection of Christ in the Church. We’ve talked about the responsibility. We’ve talked about the reflection. Now we’re going to go to the rules.
And there are two rules here in the passage. The first rule is for husbands. They are to do what? Say it with me. Love your wives.
And to wives it says, respect your husbands. Now, when you read this, at first it sounds really odd to me. Husbands should love their wives, and wives should do what? Love their husbands. That’s how I would have written it, but I’m not God.
There’s a great book out there called Love and Respect that goes into this in great depth. And it talks about husbands really desire their wives to respect them, and wives really desire their husbands to love them. Now, the problem is because the wife thinks that love is the best thing. What does she give to her husband? She gives love to him.
She. She wants to do the best. And likewise, the husband say, well, respect is so important to me. So what does he give to his wife? He gives respect to his wife.
Scripture tells us that we’re opposites. Remember, we don’t all appreciate the same things. Men need to give love to their wives because that’s what they need. But Scripture says that wives need to give respect to their husband because that’s what they need. This is God’s design for marriage.
What does this love look like? How are we supposed to love our wives? Well, in Scripture, there are a lot of different words for love. There’s agape, which is the word that’s used here.
There’s the word phileo, and there’s the word eros. Eros is physical love. Could be lust. It’s physical affection. It’s A desire to be close physically to someone.
And when we look at phileo, it’s talking about a love that indicates warm affection and good feelings. It’s the kind of love that we express when we give a friend a hug or if it’s appropriate to give someone a kiss. It’s when you’re just content to be with somebody and you just sense that you have this commonality, common interest, and hence you become friends. It’s two men going fishing and they don’t have to say a word. They can just sit there and they can have filet o for one another.
They just enjoy being together. It’s Brad in a canoe, you know? Now, to you ladies, there’s nothing romantic about that at all, right? But Brad with his partner in the canoe, there’s this camaraderie there. They work together and they appreciate it.
That’s phileo. But what husbands are commanded here to do. Not that phileo and Eros are bad, they’re great. But agape is what’s commanded. And the word agape means to esteem the other person.
You place their value above yourself. It’s to love them. And it requires your will to be directed by choice to love that person, even when it’s difficult. It’s also finding all of your joy in that other person. You find more joy in them than you do in anything else.
Because once again, this all reflects who it reflects Jesus Christ and his relationship with us. Now, there might be some men that they don’t have phileo for their wife, or they don’t have even eros for their wife. But they’re commanded to do what? They’re still commanded to love their wife. Husband might say, I don’t have any feelings for my wife.
You still need to agape her. He might say, I don’t have any affection for my wife. Scripture says, you need to agape her. He might say, I don’t have any desire to show my wife any affection. You need to agape love your wife.
Someone might even go as far to say, I’m not content with my wife. I want something more. I want something different. The command is to what? Say it with me.
Agape your wife. Someone might say, well, I don’t even have any common interest with my wife. You need to agape her. Someone might say, well, my wife is not my friend. It doesn’t matter.
Scripture says, to agape your wife. The opposite of agape means not to love. It means to neglect someone, to disregard someone, or even to condemn them. In all of this, husbands and wives are supposed to work together, making decisions together, because the husband loves his wife and he wants her input and he sees her in the way that God has created her. Husbands are supposed to love their wife.
It goes on to describe this in this way. First it says that we’re supposed to love our wives as Christ giving and cleansing. Husbands, love your wives. Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the Word, Christ gave the ultimate for the Church. What did he give?
He gave his life on the cross, giving to the point of death. That is the type of love that we are to have for our spouse. But not only did he give, but he also cleansed her, cleansing her with the washing of water by the Word. Well, that’s easy. What is it that cleanses us with Christ?
It’s the Word of God. So in the same way, husbands should encourage and foster spiritual growth in their wives. In some cases, this means that the husband is going to disciple his wife in the word of God, but he should also encourage her to take Bible studies and provide opportunities, take care of the kids so that she can do that. Buy her a Bible if she needs one, whatever, to help her grow spiritually. And Jesus Christ was doing all of this so that he could prepare us to be a wonderful and spotless bride.
In the same way, when we do this for our wives, it makes them to be wonderful also. Husbands, love your wives. To what extent is this? Let’s look at the extent that Jesus loved us in Romans 5, 6 through 10. For while we were still helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly.
But God proves His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son. Three phrases there. While we were still helpless, while we were still sinners, while we were enemies, Jesus came and saved us when we couldn’t do anything for ourself. He came and saved us when we had faults and sin in our life.
And even when we were enemies, antagonistic and fighting against him, he still was willing to die for us. The extreme love of Christ should be the same as a husband’s love for his wife. If your wife is helpless, you need to do what you have it. Yet can you say it? Love her.
If your wife is a sinner, I’m not going to point any fingers, but I guess that she might have a few faults. You’re still supposed to do what you’re supposed to love her. And even if your wife is your enemy fighting against you, we have to be like Christ. And do what? Love our wives.
Love is not easy. Getting up in the middle of night to change a diaper and stepping on a Lego on the way requires a lot of what? Love. Has that ever happened to you? Those Legos are awful.
Love is difficult. Love is costly. And sometimes love is actually deadly. But that’s the love that Jesus had for us. He did this according to scripture, to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.
Can we have the next slide up there?
Thank you. All of Christ’s service and love results in a worthy wife and husbands. If you love your wives like Christ loved the church, she is going to be a worthy and wonderful wife for you. Husbands, love your wife. The next description here as your own body.
In the same way husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. Because he who loves his wife, loves himself. How do we love our own bodies? We provide for them and we care for them. If you don’t provide what your body needs and you don’t take care of your body, what will happen to your body?
What will happen to you? Eventually, you’ll die. You have to provide for it. You have to care for it. It’s the same way with our wives.
We have to be active in providing and caring for for them. What does your body need? My body needs rest. Any of y’ all need rest? My body needs food.
Anybody agree with that? My body needs exercise, which I don’t do enough of. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t need it. My body needs touch. My body needs shelter.
My body needs clothing. If I need these things, who else needs them? My wife needs them. It’s my responsibility to provide them. What does my mind need?
I need information every day. I need education. I need hobbies. I need fun. I need relaxation.
I need to do things that give me some downtime. If I need those things, who else needs them? My wife needs them. And it’s my responsibility to provide them for her. What does my soul need?
I need conversation. I need friendship. I need concern. I need empathy. I need love.
The same way my wife has all those needs. And as the spiritual leader in the house, it’s not her responsibility to provide them for me. It’s my responsibility, according to scripture, to provide them for her. For the text says no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, since we are members of his body. In other words, if you don’t provide for your wife’s needs, you’re just being foolish because you’re not only hurting her, but you’re hurting yourself.
Love is Christ’s love. Love more than your body or like your body. Lastly, love more than your father or mother. Back to again. We read it in Genesis.
Now it’s repeated here in Ephesians. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Husbands need to leave their moms and dads. It doesn’t mean that you don’t do things for them, but you need to make sure that your wife comes before them. I didn’t have any problems leaving my parents.
But there are men that have problems leaving their mom and dad. And mom and dad want to control their lives and be involved more than they should. Scripture says that it’s appropriate for you to break that off, even if it’s offensive to them. And also cleaving. It’s more important to cleave to your wife than it is to cleave to your mother and your father.
Don’t let your parents be the leader in your home. Don’t let your parents be more important than your wife. Jesus Christ set that example for us. He’s willing to do anything for us. He’s guaranteed our salvation on the cross.
He’s guaranteed it for the present, and he’s guaranteeing it for all eternity because he loves us this much. May we pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you for your word that you’ve given us today. Help us to be challenged on how to love our wives better, that we might reflect your love for us. Help us to desire to work on our marriages, Father, to make them better, so that we might also honor you in this world and give people a better understanding of what a relationship with you is, what joy it brings.
And we thank you, Father, that you’ve provided for that relation for us by sending Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sins to make us a worthy bride for him. In his name we pray. Amen.